life as an artist

grey-blue.....i seem to be drawn to this color. nearly 2 a.m. and i am awake, pondering my future. sixty two years old (or young, i would rather say) and i still don't feel i have found my niche' in this life. i love painting, i love art but i cannot make a living from it. my husband is a wonderful sculptor and painter, actor, humorist, writer, but we struggle so financially, it seems futile sometimes to keep dreaming of being full time artists. i love working with children, they are the closest people to heaven and the feeling of happiness. i would love to work with children to help them express themselves through art....through painting, sculpture, filmmaking, costumes, fashion, singing, drama....so many things. i have so many ideas of things to create with them, wonderful images of fanciful murals of vibrant, beautiful color, amazing chandeliers of bright stones that shine with light, quirky and comical costumes and clothing, hats, shoes....so funny and wonderfully curious. i want so much to fulfill my dreams of making the world filled with wonderful art and creativity in all forms....in working with children and being an artist in my own life. i spend so much time trying to find opportunities to teach or to exhibit my art and my husband's art. i am growing tired and discouraged. i have so much art right now in our apartment, the walls cannot hold any more. stacks of paintings, paintings on the walls floor to ceiling, incredible fairy furniture, sculptures, collages, photography, dolls, poetry, children's books, children's films. we create so much but we do not have enough of an outlet for this mass amount of creativity. i wish i could find someone who could mentor us, take us under their wing to present us to the art world (though we have had many incredible opportunities, we still have not reached the best level for our art yet). i wish we could travel and exhibit and create and share and teach. how do we do this? we have tried and tried to create an opportunity for ourselves or find one or find someone who could help us, but we are at a terrible, overwhelming standstill. it is very sad to me, because our art is beautiful, it is stunning and emotional and deep. we do have our art at avam, the american visionary art museum in their current exhibit which lasts until september of next year and it is a magical, wondrous exhibit. but nothing has come of it yet, as far as further opportunities. we are very grateful to avam. they are presenting our work in such a beautiful way. but in the meantime, we are at such a loss as to what to do with the rest of our art. we want so much to be full time artists who can sell their work!! i hope something wonderful will happen soon. we are trying to make that happen. your words would be comforting, if you care to write. so many nights i have woken up to stare off into the black of night, wondering how we can do better to share our art with others.  sleep is all that is left now. i will try to rest from these worries for now, hoping tomorrow will be better. i am grateful, at least, to express what i am going through, hoping my words do not offend or surprise others. art is a difficult life, really, but i cannot imagine my life going in any other direction. it is what makes me happy, truely happy.